Author Topic: When Alice is Away, the Dolls Will Play  (Read 15287 times)

Esifex

  • Though the sun may set
  • *
  • It shall rise again
Re: When Alice is Away, the Dolls Will Play
« Reply #30 on: November 23, 2010, 10:01:42 PM »
It takes more than that to kill Marisa!

FOR SHE CHANNELS...CHO-MARISA
oh the horror

Kinzo the Astro Curious

  • One small step for Desu; One giant leap for touhou-kind!
Re: When Alice is Away, the Dolls Will Play
« Reply #31 on: November 25, 2010, 03:10:07 AM »
It takes more than that to kill Marisa!

FOR SHE CHANNELS...CHO-MARISA
oh the horror

Lets hope that doesn't happen  :V

Curse you marisa for still being alive and interupting some kind of unlock the powers within scene!

Re: When Alice is Away, the Dolls Will Play
« Reply #32 on: November 28, 2010, 07:42:49 PM »
Part 8
When magic dolls are more magical than you think.....


Yes. Yesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyes! She?s alive! I didn?t kill her!

A wave of relief rushed over Hourai as she realized she wasn?t a cold-blooded killer. No more remorse. No more regret. No more shady deals with locked-up halves of herself. She was going to do this the right way.

?Magic Missile!?

Oh crud. Hourai quickly swerved to the right as a wave of blue danmaku sailed past her. This still wasn?t over. That witch still had some spirit left in her. It was time to finish the fight the right way.

Hourai Technique-Two Inch Drop Slow Choke
She sped downwards to the ground, a red energy rope with a noose forming in her hands as she landed. The witch was still standing, but seemed in a daze. Their eyes met, and Hourai jumped up and lassoed the thief?s neck. Then the doll flew up, carrying the rope and the witch with her. Hourai only flew up high enough that the thief?s toes were only inches away from the ground. By now, the witch was freaking out due to her slowly choking. Her hands struggled to get the rope off, but with no success. Hourai was pleased with herself, she had stopped the thief. She wasn?t going to kill the witch, just wait for her to pass out from lack of air, and then send her back into the woods. Everything couldn?t be better.

That is, until the thief reached for her hat. She lifted it up to reveal a small, octagonal block that she picked up with her other hand and pointed at Hourai. Using her free hand to grab the rope, she hoisted herself up just a little bit to say, ?LoveSignMasterSpark? really quickly before letting go and dropping back down.

The center of the block started glowing; a small ball of light had formed and was quickly growing.

?Shanghai! Help!? Hourai yelled.
.....
 ?Oh, right.?

 And then everything happened in a second. The biggest laser Hourai had ever seen assaulted her entire body. She felt like she was on fire, with burning cold knives plunged everywhere.

And then blackout.

                                                                                                                                                                            
Everything was dark. The only sounds she could hear were in her own mind.

See what happens when you don?t listen to your friends, Hourai?

?You shut up, I?m never going to listen to you again.?

Are you sure about that? What about your doll friends? They needed you, now what do you think is happening to them?

?

That?s right. They have no chance without you. And you aren?t strong enough to do anything about it. Look at what?s happening.

Hourai slowly woke up, unable to move. With her eyes still half-closed and blurry, she could see the clearing from the side. The house on the right field of vision, and the path on the left. Without warning, the door flew open, and the witch emerged holding a bulging sack while whistling. She walked down to the forest path before almost tripping on something. The thief bent down to pick up whatever she just found.

A doll with black hair. It was yellow, with some pink and blue. It was Seoul.

?Well, this one looks pretty. I think I?ll borrow her for a while too~ze.? And with that, she threw the poor doll in her sack and walked off into the forest.

See what happens when you don?t listen to me, Hourai?

?Nooo,? she said meekly before blacking out again.
-----------------------------------------

Curse my lack of writng stamina.

Esifex

  • Though the sun may set
  • *
  • It shall rise again
Re: When Alice is Away, the Dolls Will Play
« Reply #33 on: November 28, 2010, 08:26:52 PM »
;-;

Poor Seoul D:

Re: When Alice is Away, the Dolls Will Play
« Reply #34 on: November 28, 2010, 08:39:11 PM »
Now Shanghai needs to assemble a crack team of dolls to execute TACTICAL ESPIONAGE ACTION and rescue Seoul. Unfortunately, she only has the misfit dolls of Bombay, Jakarta, Tuscaloosa, Broadstairs and St. Peter's, and Vulcan. Get ready for next summer's smash hit sequel:

When Alice is Away 2: Playtime's Over

Esifex

  • Though the sun may set
  • *
  • It shall rise again
Re: When Alice is Away, the Dolls Will Play
« Reply #35 on: November 28, 2010, 08:46:08 PM »
When Alice is Away 2: Playtime's Over

You are now obligated to write this.

MayKissingDoveWyks

  • I can't stop being a perv!
Re: When Alice is Away, the Dolls Will Play
« Reply #36 on: November 29, 2010, 01:24:22 AM »
After reading all the parts so far, I find this to be a very decent work. The actions are mostly intense and bring suspense to the writing.

I would like to see more on what happens next...

Re: When Alice is Away, the Dolls Will Play
« Reply #37 on: November 30, 2010, 12:43:48 AM »
I demand MORE. I'm loving this.

When Alice is Away 2: Playtime's Over

Yes please.

Re: When Alice is Away, the Dolls Will Play
« Reply #38 on: November 30, 2010, 12:47:31 AM »
Strangely enough, this is listed as a comedy in the catalog.  :V

MayKissingDoveWyks

  • I can't stop being a perv!
Re: When Alice is Away, the Dolls Will Play
« Reply #39 on: November 30, 2010, 12:48:12 AM »
Wow... that's an interesting genre to put it in :V

Re: When Alice is Away, the Dolls Will Play
« Reply #40 on: November 30, 2010, 10:46:32 PM »
People just can't take dolls seriously. I mean, this is also me looking at SkyMovingSideways's sig ...

Re: When Alice is Away, the Dolls Will Play
« Reply #41 on: December 02, 2010, 11:51:01 PM »
Part 9
When magic dolls are more magical than you think.....


After blacking out again, Hourai waited alone in the clearing for what seemed to be like a few short seconds to her. Although the memories were blurry, some moments stood out and were remembered. The sound of footsteps leading up the path to the house. What seemed to be a very annoyed groan followed by the warm embrace of what could only be Alice?s hand, a feeling all the dolls could tell in a moment. Followed by the dull thud of landing on the work table in the storage room.

By the time she woke up, night had already fallen and Alice had already gone to bed. Grogginess and a headache were the first thing she encountered upon opening her eyes.

?Ow ow ow. My head,? she said while sitting up. ?Wait, what?s going on??

Hourai looked around the storage room. The lights were off, but enough moonlight was coming from the window above where she sat that she could see all the dolls in the room. It seemed like that everyone in some way had been injured from earlier that day. The less injured were helping those hurt bad fix minor wounds and walk around. The atmosphere was tense and sullen; nobody smiled as they did their tasks. Another bad aspect of being a doll? If you?re hurt, you pretty much just have to wait until you?re maker fixes you, or else they?ll notice you?ve been repaired by yourself.

The room was as silent as could be. Everyone knew what had happened by now. Looking over to her side, Hourai saw the new doll; the one Alice was working on before she left that morning. Now fully clothed in a purple dress, she was finished except for the final step, magic imbuement.

?Hey, she?s awake!?

Hourai returned her attention back to the dolls who had just taken notice of her. Almost all had stopped what they were doing and looked at her. Several were flying up towards the table. Two in particular stood out, Russia and London, the only ones that didn?t look like they were used as target practice.

?I hope you two had fun today, ?cause we sure didn?t.? Hourai said gloomily as they landed on the table. ?I assume everyone knows what happened with Seoul?? Even saying her name hurt and brought up unpleasant feelings.

?Erm, that?s a little hard to talk about right now,? London replied.

Strange, she was avoiding eye contact. In fact, all of them were. They were purposely looking off to the side trying to avoid looking at Hourai.

?Yes, I know I failed. Can we please move past that and actually talk to each other?? Hourai said, a little annoyed.

?You see, it?s not that. It?s?? London trailed off, leaving the sentence dangling in the air.

?What?? And as soon as Hourai said it, she felt a chill down her back. Literally.

Looking down in horror at what she just realized, Hourai buried her face in her hands and turned away from the dolls. The giant laser had burnt away her clothes.

?Um, comrade,? Russia stammered, ?it?s not that- erm? noticeable??

?Get me some cloth or something!? Hourai yelled, still buried in her hands.

Although dolls don?t have privates, per se, they still feel embarrassed like any other person about being seen exposed.

A few dolls flew off the table and fumbled around looking for some fabric. On the table however, the awkward silence just hung in the air. The dolls waited and bounced on the heels of their feet and waited.

And waited.

.....

 And waited.

?What the Makai is taking so long?!? Russia yelled suddenly, breaking the silence.

?Here! Got it,? a doll replied while flying back to put a long piece of cloth on Hourai?s back.

?Well, now that that?s taken care of,? Hourai said flatly while standing up, wrapping the cloth around her. There was a dry cough from her audience. ?We all know the losses we experienced today right??

Mumblings of agreement came from her crowd.

?I?m so sorry Hourai,? London said, ?If I was here today, we may have won.?

?Me too,? Russia added, ?I feel bad about how I couldn?t help. If-?

Hourai raised her hand to cut her off. ?It was not your fault, Alice called you away, and there was nothing we could do about that. Now, what we need to do is look after the wounded. And make sure everyone is accounted for. Speaking of which, where?s Shanghai??

As soon as she said her name, she immediately regretted it. After being assaulted by the witch, Hourai momentarily forgot she was angry at Shanghai. And everyone knew this. Gossip spread in the house like wildfire, even faster than Russia to a deck of cards when she hears of a high-stakes poker game.

Everyone looked away again. Eye contact was apparently the current way of volunteering yourself to give bad news. And poor Italy accidentally looked up to see where Hourai was looking.

?Italy. Where is she??

The doll stuttered for a while before actually saying a full sentence. ?Well, she?s in the living room, but there?s something else you should consider before talking to her.?

?I don?t care. I?m not going to wait for Alice to clothe me before talking to her,? Hourai said.

?It?s not that. It?s?? Italy trailed off.

?Hm?? Hourai inquired.

Two dolls flew off the table and reappeared in a few seconds holding a silver hand mirror. They brought it up to Hourai, who saw her battered self for the first time since the fight. Her hair ribbon was gone and her hair was messy and dirty. Her entire body was smudged with a layer of ash from her burnt away clothes. But what was most worrisome was what was wrong with her face.

Starting from the middle of her hairline, it swerved to the left of her nose and ran around her lips to her chin.

A crack.
--------------------

I found a way to boost motivation and writng stamina. Booshizzle.
Also, what genre would you say this fic is?

Re: When Alice is Away, the Dolls Will Play
« Reply #42 on: December 03, 2010, 12:06:46 AM »
It's hard to say: it's kind of early, and the concept makes it seem like it SHOULD be a comedy. I would play it safe and say action for now, but depending on how the dolls deal with the conflict between Shanghai and Hourai, and other factors, it could swing between comedy and drama.

EDIT: Oh, and just for the hell of it, a special sneak preview of "When Alice is Away 2"!


------------------------------------------


"Don't you see, Shanghai?" Hourai, her long time partner, but now rival, exclaimed, arms stretched out as though to embrace her mad scheme. Her painted face, once one of the most beautiful things Shanghai had ever seen, was now a twisted mockery of itself, as vile looking as the curved scar that danced along her nose and mouth. "As of right now, our existance is meaningless, your actions to rescue our sister are futile! That black white doll kidnapper will just steal another, and another, and another! Unless you stop this attempt of yours, and join me, we will never be anything more that puppets to the hands of Fate, dancing along its strings!"

Shanghai returned Hourai's mad look with a stern glare of her own, and fished around in her camoflauge patterned dress. "You might be right about a couple of things, but you forgot something important: I'm no puppet," she remarked as she pulled out a pair of sunglasses and put them on.

"I'm a doll."


------------------------------------------------------------


Oh my god that was so stupid what the hell was I thinking?
« Last Edit: December 03, 2010, 12:20:14 AM by Sect »

Kasu

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Re: When Alice is Away, the Dolls Will Play
« Reply #43 on: December 03, 2010, 12:23:21 AM »
It's hard to say: it's kind of early, and the concept makes it seem like it SHOULD be a comedy. I would play it safe and say action for now, but depending on how the dolls deal with the conflict between Shanghai and Hourai, and other factors, it could swing between comedy and drama.
I agree with this.  It is kinda of a comedy-drama with actiony elements.

Shanghai returned Hourai's mad look with a stern glare of her own, and fished around in her camoflauge patterned dress. "You might be right about a couple of things, but you forgot something important: I'm no puppet," she remarked as she pulled out a pair of sunglasses and put them on.

"I'm a doll."
DOHOHO!

Apparently, Thomas the Tank Engine isn't one to take crap from anyone.

MayKissingDoveWyks

  • I can't stop being a perv!
Re: When Alice is Away, the Dolls Will Play
« Reply #44 on: December 03, 2010, 12:44:58 AM »
I have to say that the new part was really enticing, Hourai.



I really don't know what genre to put this in...

Razwerkz

  • Razu Teionhakushi
  • The Crimson Digital and Audial Enigma
Re: When Alice is Away, the Dolls Will Play
« Reply #45 on: December 03, 2010, 01:18:10 AM »
Hmm.  I wanna see how this turns out.  Keep up the good work~

Kinzo the Astro Curious

  • One small step for Desu; One giant leap for touhou-kind!
Re: When Alice is Away, the Dolls Will Play
« Reply #46 on: December 03, 2010, 09:05:18 AM »
Oh man, this is great.

* Gets a mental image of the end of the most recent installment as a parody of Robots. "Who wants to get fixed?"