The following piece is probably a Song. Or a Poem. Either or. Read it as such! Make up the tune in your head or something, get creative.
It is also based around Kingdom of Loathing and may as such contain references those who haven't played the game won't get, Fair warning!
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Twas the night before Crimbo Rollover,
and throughout the kingdom there was silence,
only because they were all too busy in the Crimbco offices,
where frolic and cheer were not permitted.
But one adventurer was out and about,
in a place just as silent,
mostly because he'd killed everyone but one,
armed with a bag full of gifts,
by which I mean a giant catapult of course.
Coming upon his destination,
he did declare this was the location,
so inside he did go to meet his proper host,
though he did think he could do with some toast.
Much to his surprise who should he find,
but Jolly old Uncle Crimbo, no longer quite kind!
It was quite distressing, much like that one song,
penned by the great accordion thief, Slightly Different Albert,
?The month Uncle Crimbo became a violent hobo and punched out a turtle tamer?,
if you've not quite heard of the tune.
Crimbo roared with peppermint on his breath,
?I'm not just a hobo, I'm the magic you snitch!?
But undaunted the adventurer pulled out his catapult,
?Well screw you, I'm an Armadillo, bitch!?
and with meta undaunted, loaded a second catapult aboard,
and with a ?Merry Crimbo to ME!? sent it flying toward ol' Crimbo!
But the peppermint was not stopped,
and Crimbo still stood not quite popped,
and the adventurer was done quite shocked!
?Impossible, I planned perfectly!
How could a giant freaking catapult not stop one man!?
Crimbo did quite so laugh, being ever so frank,
?It's not the man that makes the gift,
But the spirit of the gift!?
The adventurer was quite dumbfounded,
so he checked the wiki right quickie,
he had forgotten the cheer, the Spirit of Crimbo!
Without it he was out of luck, and he had no more gifts!
Resigned he was, till he felt in his back pocket,
why, there was a watch, ticking ever so lightly.
Dumbfounded the adventurer recalled every so slightly,
?Why, this was from the cat!?
In fact not quite before he left,
a rather fiery feline had stuffed this into his pocket,
scaring him right back into his socket!
?Drat that funky feline!? exclaimed the adventurer,
half smitten with glee, as he loaded his catapult,
and prepared another shot.
Charging his crimbo spirit, the adventurer did shout,
?A Merry Crimbo to all! Even that loser Donut!?
And everyone in their cubicles stopped for a moment,
as the sound of a watch being flung echoed through the night,
A bit of a whoosh and a swoosh and a tick all in one.
And so the watch did whooshswooshtick through the night,
slamming into Uncle Crimbo and breaking his nose quite tight,
and through the bleeding and the screams, he did quite admit,
?That's the most holiday spirit I've seen in a while, even if quite fake!?
And with a flash, and a laugh, did Crimbo quite vanish,
for no one could best the magic, most certainly not some schmuck,
The adventurer looking quite surprised, wasted not a moment to claim his prize,
before wasting that moment still, just to stop and shout,
?Holy shit, It's a Beard!?
