The Cirniad

[Light Verse Youkai]

The Cirniad

A Verse Epic in Nine Cantos

Code: [Select]

Prologue

Of man's first disobedience, and the fruit
   That boned us all (I needn't fear the censor),
Some hack's already written. Likewise, mute
   I shall remain on spoor from Spenser;
My Faerie Queene is higher in repute
   And altitude, and doubtless she is denser.
And Dante? Bah! There's strength in his Inferno,
But I am strongest. I shall sing of Cirno!

What bless?d eye beheld her hour of birth?
   Not mine, for I was at the time unborn.
What bless?d eye beheld her wax in worth
   And wing her way across the chilly morn?
What bless?d eye beheld her stride the earth
   To face the Scarlet Sisters? I, forlorn,
Must pine and sigh, decry mine eye unbless?d,
And write my lines like Aya's -- all BS?d,

But worthy all the same of Cirno's chronicle:
   The saga of her battles with Patchouli,
China, Rumia, Reimu (that's canonical),
   Marisa, and Remilia, who was truly
The classiest youkai e'er to lack a monocle,
   Which I have. And to end it all, I'll duly
Relate the way she found and fought with Flandre,
Whose name she slyly spoke to rhyme with "Andre."

A prologue, miniskirt, or loading screen
   Is better when it's brief, or so 'tis said;
According to a so-so magazine,
   Attention spans are very nearly dead,
And though my meter may be near-obscene,
   It's better to be hated than unread.
(This rhyming scheme is Byron's, every line --
For ZUN's sake, reader, do pretend it's mine!)

[wererat42]

As an English Major who was forced to dissect the allegory in the Fairie Queen and ramble on about the Divine Comedy, I find this very amusing and I hope you continue it.
Best of luck.

[scherzo]

I must applaud this endeavor, the conception of which already demonstrates a certain nobility of spirit; doubtless the actual execution, informed by a sobriety and seriousness appropriate to the subject at hand, will bestow yet greater glories upon the author. Truly, Cirno - renowned for her wisdom and praised for her compassion - is a fit subject for the rarefied domain of epic verse, and, upon being presented with an honest record of her deeds, even the most benighted mind cannot help but be thrust upwards into the light. Please do continue~

[Sriggle]

This is EPICly awesome, and you should feel EPICly awesome.

[swamp147]

Excellent, most excellent! I love reading good poetry.

[Ryuu]

I love you.

[Alfred F. Jones]

Aw HELL yes. Please please please do more.

[Light Verse Youkai]

I am away for a week. When I return, I will try to post the first canto.

In the meantime, I recommend this ancient mini-epic, The Frog and Mouse War, attributed to Homer. In some respects, it's as close as we are ever likely to get to a Touhou Iliad, if a little bloodier.

The Batrachomyomachia, wherein Suwako has crabs.

[trancehime]

Can I bear your children good sir

<3

[Light Verse Youkai]

Internet access is everywhere now, I guess! While I work on the next canto, here is some insomnia-induced filler:

---------

Beyond a dim and dreamy pond, the devil's manor waits;
A foreigner grows flowers as she guards the manor gates,
An invalid inspects the stacks, a demon waits below,
And Sakuya serves the sisters -- how she dotes upon them so!

She fought them on a whirling dial beneath a scarlet sky,
But fate was settled swiftly; now she needn't live nor die.       
The sisters smile triumpant as the maid prepares their tea,
Though their memories are foggy as to how this came to be.

She drives away the mortals with a dagger from her sleeve,
And tends a spacious mansion that the sisters never leave,
And promises to sate them when they need a little drink,
But they haven't gotten hungry for much longer than they think.
 
Beyond a dim and dreamy pond, the devil's manor waits,
And timeless bloom the flowers by the creaking manor gates.
The shelves rise to infinity and vanish far below,
And Sakuya serves the sisters -- how she dotes upon them so!

[Alfred F. Jones]

It has been a long time since I've seen good Touhou poetry. Thank you so much.

[Ryuu]

It has been a long time since I've seen good Touhou poetry. Thank you so much.

You've... You've seen Touhou poetry in the past?

[Solais]

You've... You've seen Touhou poetry in the past?

Knowing Ruro, it was written by herself.

[Alfred F. Jones]

Knowing Ruro, it was written by herself.

I'm flattered, but no. I'm no poet. I have, however, seen UD's poetry in the past, as well as occasional snatches of it on fiction threads on the Touhou Imageboard and such, and all they've made me do is want more. I love poetry, but I can't write it for my life, so I'm very grateful that someone is (finally!) doing it.

[Light Verse Youkai]

(Updating this every two years or so seems about right.)

Code: [Select]


               THE CIRNIAD
                 CANTO I

A gentle Knight was loitering by a lake
   Bedecked in rusty arms and dented shield,
"Methinks," he said, "I've made some slight mistake;
   This doesn't seem to be Fornovo field."
He'd seen a Gap, and for his Captain's sake
   Had charged the monstrous eyes, his courage steeled,
This doughty condottiere of the doge!
Then Cirno froze him like a tin of OJ.

Triumphantly she crew unto the land,
   "I won!" and "I'm the strongest!" How the fairy
Paraded, and behind her blared a band
   Of mighty trumpets, all imaginary.
Alas, a sad reversal was at hand!
   Her strike had robbed her elders of their quarry.
One tapped her shoulder, grinning all the while;
An angler-fish might call that grin a smile.

(To steal a kiss may bring a blush demure,
   A box upon the ear, a chiding laugh...
To steal a kill is far less popular
   Because it cuts the XP gain in half.
This smacks of braggadocio and pure
   Arrogance. Do I need to draw a graph?
No-one much likes to think themselves outsmarted,
Or see their loot and sweetest drops bogarted.)

"How rude!" Kazami cried, and Cirno shivered
   And thought of a decapitated daisy.
Our heroine was never lily-livered,
   But understand that Yuuka's batshit crazy.
"I'll kill you! <3" The flowers quivered
   In readiness, although her grin was lazy.
(The meter is as proper as can be,
If we pronounce those symbols "less-than-three.")

But fortune smiled upon our heroine.
   Yukari, maker of the fatal portal
Appeared from nowhere, drew Kazami in
   To fight a duel, and, with a girlish chortle
(That she was much too old for) and a grin,
   She gave the fairy time to scape the mortal
Peril in a flash of - What the hell? A
Shadow just beaned me with an umbrella.

Swiftly fled Cirno, exiled evermore
   From what had been her home, the tranquil pool
By Yuuka's flower field. I needn't bore
   With long and sad accounts of how the cruel
And blazing sun drove Cirno to the shore
   Of Scarlet Lake -- mist-shrouded, dark, and cool.
To chronicle her wanderings would busy us
But needlessly. Leave such tales for Odysseus.

"I like this place!" said Cirno, unaware
   That these half-hidden manorlands and lakes
Belonged to Vampyres, scourges of the air,
   Drinkers of blood, eaters of tiny cakes,
Weavers of fate, the Sisters of Despair!
   Invincible? No! Flandre must take breaks
For tea, some bread, a bowl of minestrone,
Whenever she slays more than twenty oni.

In dauntlessness, this fairy has no equal:
   She vowed to make the foggy lake her own.
Although she's heading up a certain creek, we'll
   Leave her now, her final fate unknown.
It's just as well. I needn't write a sequel
   If she engages with such foes alone.
And yet, I've set this ere the games begin --
Canonically, we know she ought to win.

I've written myself into quite a corner!
   What means can Cirno use to win the day?
I wish to heroize her, not to mourn her;
   Dead Cirno verse seems needlessly outr?,
And to such elegies, I am a foreigner --
   These lips were born to sing a gladder lay.
Perhaps I was mistaken to begin this;
I've no idea how she's going to win this.

[Esifex]

And here I thought I was a literary necromancer.