Create.swf Adventures: Cottagesnagged (thread 2)

[Dizzy H. "Muffin" Muffin]

(previous thread)

Prologue: Reimu Hakurei (aged 63) discovered an infant named Satsuki, and adopted her as her granddaughter.

Chapter 1: Reimu, knowing that a stable time loop involving a "mysterious youkai" named Meimu had been closed, gave Satsuki "Sacchin" Hakurei the task of finding "the Precious Object" in a mysterious witch's cottage in the woods (actually Marisa's) as part of Satsuki's training to become the next Hakurei miko. She would also prevent "the Ungodly Object" from falling into her hands. Sacchin travelled there, fought the transcended-fairy Cirno, and entered, stepping into a mysterious transportalizer.

Chapter 2: Marisa and Alice's biological daughter, Carroll Kirisame, fooled around in her house a bit because she knew her parents were planning something, so she didn't want to get too involved with anything else, until she got into a fight with her sister, Shanghai Margatroid the independently-moving doll. Marisa then tasked Carroll with acquiring the Precious Object and destroying the Ungodly Object in her own cottage, as a test for unspecified reasons. However, they were interrupted by a loading screen, leading to this:

> [S] Carroll: Go for it.

[AUDIO]

> -=->

> -=->

> End of Chapter 2.

RAAARARRAAUUUAAAAUUAGHGHGGHGGGGHHGH!

[O4rfish]

Oohhh, how nostalgic

[Stuffman]

Hell, it's about time.

[AnonymousPondScum]

RESURRECTION! JUBILATIONS!

Also:

Hell, it's about time.

[Smashy]

> Apply percussive maintenance to defeat the static.

[capt. h]

> LIST OPTIONS

Still less loading than Sonic 2006.

[Edible]

Hell, it's about time.

Wow. >_>

[KaiserKnuckle]

> Twiddle the antennae things.

[Hello Purvis]

>Apply persuasive verbal abuse to the static.

[AnonymousPondScum]

>Try and blow the dust off of the AV cable connectors

[Kyo Tanaka]

>Dodge game breaking loading screen.

[Dumanios]

>Reload earlier save.
>Ditch Sonic06 loading screens.

[Dizzy H. "Muffin" Muffin]

Fair warning: my site now has ads.

----

> Apply percussive maintenance to defeat the static.

SEKIBANKI, WHAT PART OF RAAARARRAAUUUAAAAUUAGHGHGGHGGGGHHGH DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND!?

DULLAHANS! SHINYAHANS!! B'DUH!!!

> Muffin: Mental breakdown.

Unfortunately, Muffin is incapable of accepting the command "mental breakdown", because he is currently experiencing a mental breakdown. He's even babbling "I need scissors, sixty-one" in witch-runes. But even if he wasn't, you can only take on the role of individuals who have had a formal introduction and a query as to what they would do first!

... And Nicolas Cage appears to be there for ... "Instant Nic Cage." Right, then.

> Yukari: Stare at the player.

What on Earth did I just tell you? Yakumo Yukari has not had any such introduction either. And even then ...

> -=->

... don't you remember what happened the last time you tried to be me?

This time, there is no fungus among us. Hello!

> Anyway ...

Thank you for sending that command, Dimastine. I was actually going to show up after the mental breakdown regardless, but it's still appreciateed.

At least he managed to write a summary of current events before he did his acrobatic fucking pirouette off the handle. As he is curently indisposed, I shall have to command the narrative in his stead.

I do hope you'll forgive me. At the very least, I promise to be a much better host than a certain cueball-headed friend of ours. Not that kind of "host," either.

Is this the arrow Muffin going to use to segue into the next chapter? How boring. I should do something about that!

There we go! Much better.

I ... hope it works in your browser. Check your system's locality settings?

> ↱⇉↬⇛

Many have asked me who the father was. My answer has always been: "The boundary between 'pregnant' and 'not pregnant.'" Anyone who isn't satisfied by this answer is merely told, "I manipulated it," which invariably sends them running.

With all the factors surrounding her continuing childhood, it's really no wonder she ended up as ... well, to call her a brat would be an insult to self-centered egoists. Everyone saw it coming when she travelled back in time to try to make herself the new star of the old shows. It's not that I spoiled her, exactly; I just hadn't given her all the things she needed when she needed them.

Just between you (i.e. the entire Outside World's internet) and me, I'm still not sure what they all were. But then, the fact that I ended up being a terrible mother is even less of a surprise than the fact that the third player-character is my daughter.

And now a young girl stands in her bedroom. It just so happens that today, the Tenth of March 2058, which is also the year 174, is the day she went back in time and tried to create a time paradox. Though it was ten years ago she was given life, it was forty-nine years ago that she committed the transgression that resulted in her current punishment, after the events of what Muffin insists was a terrible story-arc in what he still calls his main comic! Hee hee.

Hang on. This page was supposed to end with "and you?", wasn't it? Oh well.

> ↱⇉↬⇛

You are Meimu, the Youkai of Edges! You have all sorts of abilities, including the opening of apertures, enabling you to travel long distances as if they were short! You are absolutely certain that you are the awesomest person around, human or youkai! Not that anyone recognizes this, of course. They all treat you like a bratty ten-year-old. Named Kon Yakumo. But you'll show them! YOU'LL SHOW THEM ALL!

In point of fact, showing them all was your plan for today. It was also your plan for 49 years ago, which seemed like a pretty good point to interrupt those stories. Gods you hate those stories. They're not about you! You aren't entirely sure why this infuriates you so much, but you resolved to do something about it! And you would've got away with it, too, if it hadn't been for little miss "b'duh b'duh I was never really on your side because you tried to make me go against my best friend," that backstabbing kirin! You know how it is! She cares more about herself and her friends than she cares about you, the important one! You had a perfectly good explanation for your behavior, too, but then you were forced to give everyone the real explanation. And then SOMEBODY (which is to say, me) had to go and take away your ability to travel through time, as well as your awesome Meimu costume.

WHY did I think it was a good idea to make such a long update, when that was what burned me out to begin with!? WHY did I think it was a good idea to insert myself into this!? WHY did I think it was a good idea to let Yukari anywhere NEAR ?

Shoosh, Muffin, only dreams now.

Ahem. You are now confined to your room, apparently for the next several hours, or at least (you assume) until they come up with a more ardurous punishment. What will you do first?

[Hello Purvis]

>Play some phat tunes on the jukebox.

[Stuffman]

Youkai of Edges

rofl, 2edgy4me

(With Meimu being the Shadow the Hedgehog of Touhou, please tell me that was intentional)

↱⇉↬⇛ Put on some emo music and think about how mad you are.

[Smashy]

↱⇉↬⇛ Close-up on those posters.

[KaiserKnuckle]

↱⇉↬⇛ Evaluate the legitimacy of the obligatorily opulent objects that could be behind whatever that is next to the dresser.

[Juubi Neion]

↱⇉↬⇛ Retrive edges from Jukebox.

[Dumanios]

↱⇉↬⇛ Contemplate Satsuki and Carroll.

Also, Chen now has a last name!

[Dizzy H. "Muffin" Muffin]

> Meimu: Close-up on those posters.

... sorry, Muffin, but I'm really having trouble working my way around this website ... All right, let's see what the users of MOTK have to say!

... er ... all right, people, those arrows are intended to mean "go to the next page when there's no command," not the preface for the commands themselves. And Soichiro W., you don't need to add colors to ?

I'm not gonna keep interrupting like this!

Right! Ahem.

> ↱⇉↬⇛

The one thing common to all these movies is that your mother expressly forbid you to watch them, not necessarily out of concerns regarding inappropriate content, but because they were all really really bad. You immediately torrented each one in the name of proving me, er, proving her wrong.

Unfortunately, she was right. They were all extremely bad. The Homestuck movies were the worst by far!

You've read the original Homestuck webcomic, incidentally. For some reason, all you can think about at the moment is that you wish they'd provided furigana for that one girl who spoke Japanese, because "ten years old" is still functionally illiterate, since kanji has a character for every word rather than for every sound.

You always act as though you have proven your mother wrong in the majority of cases, and that the instances where you failed to do so are rare flukes. You do this in spite the fact that you have never proven your mother wrong about anything.

> Meimu: Play some phat tunes on the jukebox.

(Right, I think I've got this now ...)

You put on Elevatorstuck, solely to maintain your terrible mood. You intend to blame this on your mother later, even though you know perfectly well that there's no way this could possibly be her fault.

> Meimu: Goof around on laptop.

Your mother has locked you out of most of the internet, and the only website you are capable of visiting is an ancient webcomic called Summernight Dreamed. Despite being obviously and utterly terrible, you are convinced it has some hidden meaning which you have yet to uncover.

... seriously, Muffin? You're going down that route, of all things? I'm not even going to get started on how you worked in the phrase "bap supernatural heads" well after it was used in Cottagesnagged.

> Meimu: On a scale from one to ten, how hard would it be for you to escape?

The Strongest!

Your mother has manipulated the borders of space around your room. Normally this would give you an edge, on the basis that it constitutes an edge, but her hax is stronger than yours, and your attempts to leave have been ... counterproductive at best.

Yes, exactly like that.

Nevertheless, you are unwilling to give up yet!

[Smashy]

> This would be a command to obtain stuffs from the drawers, but they're probably empty  :V

[achicken]

 ↱⇉↬⇛ Quickly retrieve arms from edge. <_<

[Hello Purvis]

>Rearrange our room that way that Mom hates.

[Dumanios]

 ↱⇉↬⇛ Do we have anything good torrented? As in, good good, not so bad it's good.

[KaiserKnuckle]

> Ponder about the old wives' (sorry) tale that involved one too many Counter-edges breaking all the hax.

[Dizzy H. "Muffin" Muffin]

↱⇉↬⇛ Quickly retrieve arms from edge. <_<

↱⇉↬⇛ Do we have anything good torrented? As in, good good, not so bad it's good.

What did I just say about the arrows?

[capt. h]

> Consider vacuum sealed recursive edge set up: At gravity around 10 m/s^2, after 5 minutes we could make a baseball go 3000 m/s, which could take out just about anything physics has devised while possibly causing unintentional harm to ourselves. :3

> On second thought, spend next several hours attempting less dangerous and destructive escapes until something happens which will allow us to leave room. Then go over options once there are options outside of room.

[Juubi Neion]

>Go lo-tech. Think of ways to escape without using edges.

[NekoNekoRex]

>Flip the table out of anger.

[Dizzy H. "Muffin" Muffin]

> Meimu: Jump up and down on the bed.

You unroll your futon ? this is a Japanese setting, and we don't keep beds out ? and jump up and down on it.

It's not as cathartic as you were expecting. Maybe you should just turn off Elevatorstuck already.

> Meimu: Go low-tech. Think of ways to escape without using edges.

Unfortunately, your room is actually suspended in gap-space. It has no actual doors, because there's no reason you would need physical egress when you can just teleport in or out with your apertures, oh wait. Your mother might as well have placed a refrigerator and a giant safe in front of this imaginary door, and then wedged them into place with a wind instrument.

Electricity, internet, and Kawadec are only available due to hax provided by your mother. It has not yet occurred to you that "hax" might be a term your mother made up so that you don't actually think about what she did or how to use it to your own advantage.

> Meimu: Contact someone on your kawadec, then try to open an aperture through that connection.

It occurs to you that "hax" might be a term your mother made up so that you don't actually think about what she did or how to use it to your own advantage.

You bring up your Kawadec list which, in spite of your best efforts, still shows that other name instead of "Meimu." Everyone involved in punishing you for your little incident is blocked, because screw them. (You had to ask Yuyuko Saigyouji for her number so you could block it.) On the other hand, if talking to them is just an excuse, you could probably deal with a few words. Assuming they didn't catch on.

Otherwise, you're left with ... ugh. She is almost more trouble than she's worth. In fact, on average, she is exactly as much trouble as she's worth. If you decide to exploit her, and she decides to be annoyed, she'll probably say something that will make you want to hide back in your room. Of course, if you merely ask for her help, her advice will either be infuriating or stunningly insightful (you haven't yet realized that the infuriating ones are also stunningly insightful).

Or, y'know, you could just wait out the punishment, I mean seriously now~