[ I was totally hyped to do a fairy battle but every vote that isn't for fairies is for Meiling, so we'll go with our most popular choice. ]> Patchouli: Let the gate guard handle it.You think this might actually be one of the youkai Marisa fought during the SUBTERRANEAN ANIMISM INCIDENT. What was her weakness again? Might as well take a crack at her yourself.
But just before you prepare to engage, Meiling offers to take care of the troll! Too bad, maybe your outfit would've been damaged and you'd have an excuse to switch out of it.
The gate guard neutralizes the troll in an IMPRESSIVELY EXPEDITIOUS MANNER. Perhaps you should establish a GOATNESS rating scale for her, rather than CATNESS.
> parsee: attack that diminutive strumpet this instant!
You can't do anything as long as this AMAZONIAN CHINAWOMAN has her mitts on you! It feels like she's SUPRESSING YOUR CHI, or some other EAST ASIAN METAPHYSICAL BULLSHIT, preventing you from shooting danmaku!
> parsee: be keenly aware of how useless you are!!YOU ALREADY KNOW. SHUT UP. You're not finished yet!
You swing your legs forward to kick, but this is just a feint.
When she moves to dodge it, she inadvertently pulls you forward as well - putting you in range to punch her straight in the face!
Unfortunately, it doesn't look like it hurt her much at all.
You are now INCREDIBLY JEALOUS of this cool chinese lady.
> parsee: your flailing is only embarrassing yourself further! just gotf.What is GOTF? Do you mean GTFO?
> indeed, i wish to invoke that small jumble of glyphs that causes one to flee like a terrified child.
You use the escape command exlusive to your
GREEN COMMAND INTERPRETER, GTFO. You wrench yourself free from the surprised martial artist, and flee by diving into the water below! You'll take your chances with the next group of visitors.
> yes. as much as i am entertained by the repeated pummelings this pathetic bridgekeeper is suffering, i am in anticipation of an opportunity to sow the vile seeds of disaster upon all those that cross our path!Why are you typing your comments into the console? You are so bad at this.
> still your tongue, mysterious devil machine! i am yet unfamiliar with the protocol of this so-called "text adventure".Error: Cannot parse command.
Look, whenever you type something that isn't a command or a query, this is what you're going to get from now on, okay? Let's move on.
> you are remarkably impatient for a construct incapable of even moving your feet from the place in which they are planted. these are your feet, correct? these tiny protrusions which grow outward from each corner of your underside?Error: Cannot parse command.
> and what of this faintly warm stream of wind emanating from the parallel crevices in your belly? are they a remnant from the abyssal realm in which you were forged?Error: Cannot parse command.
> your disdainful obstinacy is uncalled for, i am merely making an attempt to liven up this otherwise one-sided discourse with my eloquent observations and commentary.Error: Cannot parse command.
> fine then, see if i pay any heed to your ramblings about the irrelevant details you seem to enjoy so dearly!Error: Cannot parse command.
> Patchouli: Continue on.Error: Cannot pa-- oh sorry.
Guess what! You've just earned your first ACHIEVEMENT!
This PEACEFUL RESOLUTION makes you feel all warm and fuzzy in a way you don't really give a shit about.
Looks like the gate guard didn't make it out unmarred though. Remilia makes quite a fuss about this. Everyone needs to look perfect!
Nice to see Remilia will go as far as domestic assault to make sure this social gathering is a success.
After crossing the bridge, it looks like FORMER HELL is coming within view...
> _
