Shadoweh Quest 2: Just(ice) Version! [End!]

[Bardiche]

(the following is a work of fiction. All names, references and locations are purely fictional. Any similarity to real world people, references or locations are purely and totally coincidental.)



> You are Shadoweh. You're a lot of things: UncertainKitten's waifu, Dormio's favourite lynchpin... but you know what you are as well? You're an attorney, that's what! Wait, what?

> Right, you're an attorney. You remember. That adorable, cute Bardiche (who always loses to you at children's card games) asked you to do an easy job for him. Represent someone in a real easy case you couldn't possibly screw up. Required zero effort, he said.

> "Shadoweeeeeeh! I didn't do iiiiiit!" Oh, right. That wailing voice belongs to Serela. NeoSerela. The defendant, in this case. He's looking as confused and scatterbrained as usual. The guy'd forget his own name if it wasn't written on his shirt. ... why is it written on his shirt?

> You should probably go over some things now or something. The court'll be in session in a few minutes. Can't wait to see the prosecution and judge.

>_
----

COURT RECORDS:
Attorney Badge
Wouldn't be one without one. Though this one isn't actually yours, but that's alright. You've just been borrowing it for a bit. A few years. Or so.

Bard's Case File
NeoSerela; Defendant
Accused of the murder of Kitten4u

Specifics: Kitten4u and NeoSerela had been in disagreement over NeoSerela's latest Psycho Plot Mafia the Extreme setup for 64 players. Two days ago, Kitten4u invited NeoSerela to her room to discuss matters again. The room was securely locked with a steel door, and it was locked from the inside.

Between 9 PM and 12 o' midnight, Kitten4u was shot in the face with a gun.

Said gun was in NeoSerela's hands.

The door was also shown to not have been opened between 9 PM and 12 o' midnight. There is no window in the door, and shooting through the steel door has been proven impossible.

VOTE/VIG Handgun
Allegedly the murder weapon. Was fired only once, and only has Serela's fingerprints on it.

Role PM
Serela is a Vigilante.

Note
The police were called after Edible heard gunfire at 10.13 PM. The police arrived at some unknown point. They found Kitten4u's dead body and arrested NeoSerela on the spot at 10.44 PM.

[Conqueror]

>What is Serela accused of, and did he actually do it?

[Bardiche]

>What is Serela accused of, and did he actually do it?

> Right, you know some things about the case. Let's see, Bard gave you that file... ah, there it is!

> NeoSerela; Defendant
> Accused of the murder of Kitten4u
> Specifics: Kitten4u and NeoSerela had been in disagreement over NeoSerela's latest Psycho Plot Mafia the Extreme setup for 64 players. Two days ago, Kitten4u invited NeoSerela to her room to discuss matters again. The room was securely locked with a steel door, and it was locked from the inside.
> Between 9 PM and 12 o' midnight, Kitten4u was shot in the face with a gun.
> Said gun was in NeoSerela's hands.
> The door was also shown to not have been opened between 9 PM and 12 o' midnight. There is no window in the door, and shooting through the steel door has been proven impossible. For some reason, UncertainKitten went through this and marked it: shooting through steel with a gun is impossible in this scenario. Huh.

> You don't know whether NeoSerela is the killer or not. Bard said it'd be easy though!

>_

[Conqueror]

>And what of windows not embedded in steel doors, are there any?
>Interrogate Serela with a wily smile. What does he have to say about the situation. Does he provide an alibi?

[Bardiche]

> You flip through the file again. Yep, no windows anywhere. It was a complete closed room...!! The door's lock mechanism could only be operated from the inside to boot.

> NeoSerela shuffles a bit nervously. "Well, I was asleep when it happened," is all he manages sheepishly.

> Ding! Dong! Dell!

> Looks like it's time for the court session to start! Shadoweh, let's do it!

> You saunter into the courtroom with all the dignity of an attorney. You take seat in the defence seat like an attorney. You shake your partner, Dormio's hand like an atto-- Dormio's your partner? ... Oh dear.

> "Well, Shadoweh! Let's tango!" And it looks like your opponent is... UncertainKitten. Fantastic. How could today get any worse?

> You kind of expect that old judge man to swing his nice gavel. What's keeping him? Let's take a look...



> Oh... Oh shit. So that's how today could get worse.

> "What's wrong?" GLaDOS asks. "Are you wondering why I am a judge? I don't know why I'm a judge. I don't have a morality core. Some hero broke it." More quietly, she adds, "Good job, Hero. Good job breaking it."

> The prosecutor is UK, the judge is GLaDOS, and the defendant is NeoSerela. Oh, your partner is Dormio.

> "We are here today to judge that NeoSerela is guilty," GLaDOS states. "Or not. Maybe he is not guilty. That is ridiculous, everyone who is on trial is guilty. It says so in the test right here: guilty. But because everyone wants a trial, we will hold a trial. It is like a test, except there will be no cake." She whirrs around a bit. "I have reconsidered. There will be cake after the trial."

> "Enough! Let's get going!" UK looks rearing to go. "Let's start right away. NeoSerela killed Kitten4u. I rest my case."

> Everyone's looking at you. As if they're expecting you to say something.

>_

[J.O.B]

> "I agree, case closed!"

[Edible]

>Request that UK stop screwing around and summon Detective Serpentarius to give a full report of the scene of the crime.

[Bardiche]

>Request that UK stop screwing around and summon Detective Serpentarius to give a full report of the scene of the crime.

> You do so immediately. Bring out Detective Serpentarius to report the case!

> "Bring him, bring him!" GLaDOS cheers. "I like this girl."

> Serpentarius strolls in like a true gentlemen, full in suit, rose between his pearly white teeth as the lights of the court room reflect off his tan complexion. His dreamlike blue occuli scan the room with the cool and collected gaze of a man who knows he's just hot.

> Either that, or he's feeling a bit under the weather.

> "Detective! State your name and occupation," UK says.

> Serp looks confused. "But you just said I was a dete--"

> "Name and occupation!"

> "Serpentarius, Detective at the Shrinemaidens."

> "Good. How about you tell us about the case?"

>>>> It's time for C-c-c-c-c-c-cross examination! You know how this works!

> "Well, the crime scene is the victim's mansion down the road. Two days ago, that's on August 27th, the victim invited the defendant to her mansion to go over the details of some plan the defendant had."

> "To this purpose, the victim invited the defendant into her personal study. This study has no windows, and cannot be entered except through the solely singular door. The door is made of steel. We even tried shooting it, but couldn't penetrate it."

> "Anyway, this door has a single lock mechanism that operates from the inside. It can't be brute-forced from the outside, and it didn't show any signs of vandalism. See, even the kitty-shaped doorknob was completely alright."

> "Between 9 PM and 12 AM, the victim died due to a bullet lodged in the brain... to put it bluntly, she was shot in the face with a gun. This is the gun."

> Serpentarius produces a small handgun known as a VOTE, and hands it to GLaDOS.

> "This is believed to be the exact murder weapon, and it was found to have only NeoSerela's fingerprints on it. The gun originated from Kitten4u's study."

>>>>>>

> "Very well. I guess it's time for a cross-examination. Defence, will you begin? Of course you will begin."

> Everyone looks at you expectantly again.

>_

[Conqueror]

>From where was the gun retrieved? As in, where was Serela arrested and what was he doing at the time?
>Was the victim shot directly through the face? Were there any other...marks on the victim save the bullet wound?
>Were there any signs of a struggle in the room? Any missing possessions?

[Edible]

>Present link to Mafiascum Wiki on the VOTE gun line.

>"Detective Serpentarius, isn't it true that the VOTE handgun requires more than one shot to kill any target, regardless of where they were shot?"

[Bardiche]

>From where was the gun retrieved?

> "Objection!" UK cries out. "That question is irrelevant."

> GLaDOS whirrs around a bit again. "Objection sustained, withdraw the question, withdraw it!"

>Was the victim shot through the forehead or from the back? Were there any other...marks on the victim save the bullet wound?

> "The victim was shot from the front. Right through the eye, actually. The only wound we found was the gunshot wound. No other injuries or suspicious marks were found."

>Were there any signs of a struggle in the room? Any missing possessions?

> "Nothing was missing, and there weren't any signs of struggle in the room either. The head butler confirmed everything was in order. Ah, his name is Edible."

>Where was Serela arrested?

> "Why, at the crime scene, of course."

>Present link to Mafiascum Wiki on the VOTE gun line.

>"Detective Serpentarius, isn't it true that the VOTE handgun requires more than one shot to kill any target, regardless of where they were shot?"

> You PRESENT the link with gusto. For a moment everyone recoils in shock, gasp and awe. Except for GLaDOS, who occupies herself with throwing a cube around.

> "Well, that is true. VOTE Handguns are also commonly used by vigilantes, though, and we have strong suspicions the defendant is a vigilante."

>_

[Edible]

> "Well, that is true. VOTE Handguns are also commonly used by vigilantes, though, and we have strong suspicions the defendant is a vigilante."

>Press this statement.

>"Detective, can you elaborate upon your suspicions?"

[Conqueror]

What Edible said.

>What is known about the background of the victim?

[Bardiche]

>Press this statement.

>"Detective, can you elaborate upon your suspicions?"

> "Certainly! It's just-- well..." He produces a large envelope and presents it to GLaDOS. "This is the result of a role cop we received. It confirms NeoSerela as a vigilante."

> GLaDOS swipes the envelope. "Accepted into evidence."

What Edible said.

>What is known about the background of the victim?

> "Er, well, not that mu--"

> "Objection!" UK cries out again. "Irrelevant!"

> "Tut tut, miss attorney," GLaDOS chides. "Naughty attorneys get no cake when the trial is over. Objection sustained."

>_

[Conqueror]

>Curious that a role cop should pop out of nowhere. Call the role cop to the stand.
>What was Edible doing when the crime was committed?

[Bardiche]

>Curious that a role cop should pop out of nowhere. Call the role cop to the stand.

> You would, except you don't know who the rolecop is. And also, you can't quite call people to the stand yet. That's the prosecution's task.

>What was Edible doing when the crime was committed?

> Serpentarius puts on some thick shades. "Deal with it."
> You have no idea what this means.

>_

[Edible]

>Ignore results of rolecop entirely.

>"Your honor, vigilantes do use VOTE handguns, but they also carry an additional weapon that is not subject to the limitations of the VOTE model."

>"Detective Serpentarius, please have a look at this."

>Present Case File.

>"It states quite clearly that the gun found in Serela's hands is the murder weapon, but that is impossible.  If the VOTE gun was the only weapon found on the scene, then it is impossible for Serela to have used it to murder Kitten4U, as she only has one bullet wound!"

>Point dramatically at nothing in particular.

[Bardiche]

>Ignore results of rolecop entirely.

>"Your honor, vigilantes do use VOTE handguns, but they also carry an additional weapon that is not subject to the limitations of the VOTE model."

>"Detective Serpentarius, please have a look at this."

>Present Case File.

>"It states quite clearly that the gun found in Serela's hands is the murder weapon, but that is impossible.  If the VOTE gun was the only weapon found on the scene, then it is impossible for Serela to have used it to murder Kitten4U, as she only has one bullet wound!"

>Point dramatically at nothing in particular.

> "Just a moment," GLaDOS states calmly. "I am surprised. Now loading surprised module. Deploying surprised tune in 3... 2... 1..."

> Music begins to blare into the court room as all the people contort their faces in utter SHOCK and SURPRISE at this turn of events! The detective NEARLY JUMPS OUT OF HIS SUIT, and the shades drop to the ground in a million pieces after breaking due to sheer SHOCK.

> "Have the gun researched immediately! Immediately, at once!" GLaDOS orders, and police officers begin running around. They're either scrambling to find someone to research the weapon, or doing an ancient dance. You're not sure.

> UK looks unperturbed.

> "This court will continue while the handgun is being investigated," GLaDOS informs you calmly. "There will be no breaks. No breaks! Think of all the time we'll lose. We carry on, for the good of all of us." And more quietly, she adds, "Except Kitten4u, because she is dead. And she will not benefit from this trial." Even more quietly, "And she receives no cake. No cake!"

>_

[Edible]

>"I suppose in the meantime I should have the detective read the rolecop results aloud to court."

>"I would also like to know the name of the rolecop who performed this duty, for the record."

[Bardiche]

>"I suppose in the meantime I should have the detective read the rolecop results aloud to court."

>"I would also like to know the name of the rolecop who performed this duty, for the record."

> "Er, ah, the rolecop's JOB. As for the precise results, well... Mod prohibits me from reading the exact contents aloud."

> "That's right! The mod smites with lightning!" GLaDOS seems happy. "He will kill you! But I was already killed. Twice. Remember? It was so much fun. We laughed so much. Except I didn't laugh. Because it hurt. It hurt."

> "Your investigation returns a success! You discover that NeoSerela is a Vigilante," GLaDOS reads.

> Nothing happens.

>_

[Edible]

>"Thank you, Friend Robot.  Detective, I can think of another piece of information that has not yet been made public."

>"Would you please share with the court Kitten4u's flip?"

[Hanged Hourai]

> Add results to Court Record
> "Is that all the report says? Does it not specify what type of Vigilante or any restrictions he may have?"

[Bardiche]

> Add results to Court Record
> "Is that all the report says? Does it not specify what type of Vigilante or any restrictions he may have?"

> "Do I look like a detective?" GLaDOS asks. "I imagine I might have resembled a potato at some point in time. That was a bad, bad time. It was a time when I was Caroline. But now? Now I am not Caroline. Now I am a judge. Are you blind? Don't worry, being blind is not a crime. You can confess."

>"Thank you, Friend Robot.  Detective, I can think of another piece of information that has not yet been made public."

>"Would you please share with the court Kitten4u's flip?"

> Serpentarius scrapes his throat gravely. "She was a Vanilla Townie."

> Murmurs arise from the audience.

> UK glares at you with contempt. "Are you done with your little games? Can we move on to something productive?"

>_

[Edible]

> Serpentarius scrapes his throat gravely. "She was a Vanilla Townie."

> Murmurs arise from the audience.

> UK glares at you with contempt. "Are you done with your little games? Can we move on to something productive?"

>_

>"That's all the information I needed, UK."

>Grab a handful of random papers and start slapping them with your hand for dramatic effect.

>"You see, my client only has one gun - and it is the VOTE.  You'll note this gun is the only one presented to court - if my client had a VIG model with him when he visited Kitten4U, the gun would still be at the crime scene, and no such weapon was found!"

>"We also know that Kitten4U was a Vanilla Townie.  You might be wondering why this is relevant."

>Present the Case File again.

>"The victim and the defendant met at sometime between 9 PM and 12 AM.  This, ladies and gentlemen, is NIGHT.  And a vanilla townie cannot do anything at night unless targeted by another person.  And because Serela was having a conversation with K4U before her death and was only armed with the VOTE handgun that is issued to all townies, I allege that Serela is actually a Neighborizer and that the rolecop results were forged!"

[Pesco]

> Add quest: Get a mic.

[Bardiche]

>"That's all the information I needed, UK."

>Grab a handful of random papers and start slapping them with your hand for dramatic effect.

>"You see, my client only has one gun - and it is the VOTE.  You'll note this gun is the only one presented to court - if my client had a VIG model with him when he visited Kitten4U, the gun would still be at the crime scene, and no such weapon was found!"

>"We also know that Kitten4U was a Vanilla Townie.  You might be wondering why this is relevant."

>Present the Case File again.

>"The victim and the defendant met at sometime between 9 PM and 12 AM.  This, ladies and gentlemen, is NIGHT.  And a vanilla townie cannot do anything at night unless targeted by another person.  And because Serela was having a conversation with K4U before her death and was only armed with the VOTE handgun that is issued to all townies, I allege that Serela is actually a Neighborizer and that the rolecop results were forged!"

> GLaDOS eyes you curiously and amusedly. "Miss Attorney, I think you are making a mistake. We are not playing a game of Mafia here. Such rules do not apply to the game atmosphere here.
> "Also, I should remind you that we haven't even begun proper cross-examination of subject: defendant. Are you going senile in your old age? It must be. You humans are always in such a hurry to grow old and die."

> UK still looks unimpressed. "Objection to the last part; it's game logic that doesn't apply here."
> "Sustained."
> "I'll retort to the rest when it's my turn."

> "Are you done questioning the detective?"

>_

[Edible]

> "Objection.  Certain rules of Mafia have already been presented as factual evidence here, and the rest of them cannot be discarded at anyone's leisure - even yours, Your Former Potatofulness.  Or the prosecution's."

> "Furthermore, I will not allow the defendant to be cross-examined.  As it stands, the only gun owned by the defendant could not have killed the victim.  If you insist on discarding the rules of mafia to govern this case, I will assume that the prosecution is otherwise incapable of proving the guilt of my client and is merely attempting to assign blame to the easiest person available."

> :smug:

[Bardiche]

> "Objection.  Certain rules of Mafia have already been presented as factual evidence here, and the rest of them cannot be discarded at anyone's leisure - even yours, Your Former Potatofulness.  Or the prosecution's."

> "Furthermore, I will not allow the defendant to be cross-examined.  As it stands, the only gun owned by the defendant could not have killed the victim.  If you insist on discarding the rules of mafia to govern this case, I will assume that the prosecution is otherwise incapable of proving the guilt of my client and is merely attempting to assign blame to the easiest person available."

> GLaDOS nears you. "Objection? I am sure you would like to object. Are you objecting? Would you like to object? WELL I WON'T LET YOU. How does that feel? Overruled."
> "I have examined your request not to call the defendant to the stand. The Court Protocol does not stand for deviations from standard procedure. Enough. We will now permit the prosecution to deliver its retort to your postulations."

> UK smirks, and then bangs the table. ... She bangs it again. And again.
> "I want a new table!" Silently, the police officers yank out the table and replace it with another, more formidable table.
> UK bangs it again. It echoes nicely throughout the room and she smiles with satisfaction.
> "Now then, as for your little problem with the gun... did you know that there's people who can either VOTE or VIG?" As UK snaps her fingers, an officer walks in with the Handgun and presents it to GLaDOS.

> "I see. This is not a VOTE Handgun. This is a VOTE/VIG Handgun. What a strange mistake. How did someone make a mistake like this? I believe this requires further testing." A mechanical arm seizes one of the officers and he disappears somewhere while uttering a bloodcurling scream.

> UK is unphased.
> "As you see, your argument is moot. Nice try, Miss Shadoweh, but completely helpless. Serela was in a single room with Kitten4u. It is a closed room no one could've entered without Kitten4u's permission, and which couldn't be locked from the outside. It was locked until-- well, why don't we let the defendant speak for herself, huh? That'll surely elucidate matters."

> "So uh, can I go now?" Serpentarius looks between the two of you curiously.
> As if in response, a loud blaring "Beat it!" from Michael Jackson blares through the speakers. Serpentarius takes this as his cue and leaves.

> "That was a hint," GLaDOS clarifies. "I would not feel the need to clarify this if you did not show yourself so incapable of reasoning. Oh, I am sorry. Did I insult you? It says so right here, though. Miss Attorney: not the brightest bulb in the room. I did not invent this."

>_

[Edible]

> "I am not interested in having the defendant address the court.  If the prosecutor's office is incapable of providing accurate evidence, I am not convinced they are capable of providing accurate testimony either."

> On the other hand, you just remembered that you're not very interested in Serela's well-being.

> "Oh, what the heck.  Why not?  I have time to kill before my customized personality core is installed into the judge."

[Conqueror]

>From whom did we borrow the badge?

>"I will not let my faculties of reasoning be questioned by one who has claimed in the past to be a potato. But very well. Does the prosecution have any witnesses or experts to produce before we bring out the defendant?"